Just as there is a book for “What to Expect When Expecting” there should be a book “What to Expect When Adopting.” Now trust me when I tell you, I have read more books on adoption, bonding, bi-racial families, and international adoption. I even read medical books on possible side effects of malnutrition and neglect. So, I felt pretty confidant going into this that I knew what to “expect” from my baby and our relationship. But honestly, there was nothing written that truly prepared me for ME.
I think a lot of people think, as I probably did at first, when you adopt you don’t go through the hormonal upheaval of delivering the baby, so you, as a woman, can handle being a new mom with no problem. WRONG!!!! I feel just as hormonal as I did when I delivered my three other children, maybe more. I worry about every decision I make for Maddie, probably because I want to make up for the first 9 months of her life. Nothing prepared me for the ridiculous amount of love I feel for this creature, and how I would do anything for her…including sacrificing my identity as I’ve come to know myself. Bathing, make-up, my hair, my hobbies, my sanity … KAPUT! I’ve become unorganized, forgetful, snippy and lazy…not at all what I expected. I thought I would be lunching with my friends and shopping with my little bundle of joy. I’m lucky to get up, brush my teeth and find a shirt that doesn’t have formula or snot on it to wear. My husband probably thinks he’s experienced the “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” and I keep wondering, “am I sure I didn’t actually deliver this child myself?”
And have I mentioned EXHAUSTION? The other morning, after a not-so-peaceful nights sleep, I almost made Maddie a bottle of iced tea. The containers for the formula and iced tea are similar in size and were sitting next to each other. It wasn’t until I read the instructions on the lid…8 scoops equal 1 gallon…that I realized I don’t usually make a GALLON of formula for my baby. UGH!
Let me remind you too, Maddie is THE most content child who rarely cries, has almost found her schedule, goes to bed fairly early and is a happy riser in the morning. I couldn’t ask for a more wonderful child. It’s truly me. So, today I got up, showered, put on make-up and did my hair. We managed to get the dog to the groomer, hire a housekeeper and pay the bills online. One step at a time…tiny steps…in a forward motion…one at a time.