Hyperventilation…

My sweet Aunt Fran emailed me today to remind me to BREATHE. She is a very smart lady, who obviously knows me well. I like to be organized, informed and always in control. And if there’s one thing about adoption that I’ve learned, is that you are NEVER completely in control. I’ve researched everything I can think of from travel items, to medicine, to formula and toys. I’ve already starting packing my clothes and Maddie’s things. I have a pediatrician’s appointment set for when we get back. I am trying to remember every little thing that needs to be done, so I have lists that I check off. In fact, I have lists of lists which I check off. No joke. Ask anyone.

But my Aunt seemed to know exactly what I needed to hear today because I keep having panic attacks. Actually, full blown hyperventilation attacks. I really don’t like to fly, and this is going to be a lot of flying, for long periods of time. I’ve also never been away from my kids for this long. We’re so blessed to have John’s parents coming, and I know they are going to be fine. In fact they will probably have a great time with Grandma and Papa and enjoy the break from their parents. I’m nervous about meeting Madison and being a new mom again. And I CAN”T BREATHE!!!

I just keep looking at her pretty little face and touching all of the kids and kissing them - way more than they’d like me to. But hey! These kisses and hugs have to tide us over for a few weeks, right?

So, if you see me over the next 18 days – remind me to breathe, okay? I’ll appreciate it. ;)